Happy April Fools Day... jerks.

Some people celebrate April Fools Day the same way you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah or Arbor Day. But these are probably the same people who laughed themselves silly watching The Tom Green Show, Viva La Bam, Punk'd or TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes with Dick Clark and Ed McMahon.

And with the possible exception of the late Ed McMahon and the immortal Dick Clark, most of the people who host these shows aren't people I would particularly care to associate with in real life. In particular Bam "Viva La Bam" Margera seems like that jerk who is one of your friends who everyone asks while he's not there "Why do we continue to hang out with this guy"?

Being someone who went through the rigors of being humilated on a daily basis in school, I don't delight in the the humilation of others. I suppose unless the completely deserve it. But it doesn't seem like most of these "pranks" focus on people who completely deserve it.

So I was always thrilled when April 1st fell on a weekend. That meant I wouldn't fall victim to the King Jerk's prank at the school. Well, let's just say I wouldn't go through anything extra because of this stupid day.

Here's the biggest problem I have with pranks and pranksters. They're never anything amusing. You know, the old Whoopee Cushion under the chair or an "amusing" joy buzzer. If that was the case, then I probably wouldn't have such a problem.

But these pranksters are a great number of the time just overgrown bullies. And their pranks are just to humiliate. And humiliate in front of a crowd. Because let's face it. What's the point if there's no one else around them.

Here's a hypothetical scenario that they might concoct. What they'll do is get the popular girl to write you a note, or better yet, forge the note stating that she really, really likes you and she wants to talk with you in the hall. So when you confront her with the note, in front of all her friends one of two things will happen. She'll tell you she never wrote the note and she and her friends start laughing and the jerk will pop out of nowhere screaming "APRIL FOOLS". Or better yet. She'll start stringing you along say how wonderful you are and how she's wanted to ask you out and end it by saying "And I just want you to know. APRIL FOOLS!" with King Jerk popping out of nowhere to enjoy a good laugh at your expense.

If you just read this and thought: "Hey! What a great idea!" my advice to you would be to go and get your head examined because you have issues if you think doing that to someone is funny.

To be honest, I'm surprised it never happened to me. It seems like something I should have gone through. I was never stuffed in a locker either. Only because the lockers were too small.

Great! I just gave myself claustrophobia thinking of that!!

But it's a free country and if you want to go around thinking that pulling these pranks are funny, then I suppose that's your right. Although, I also have the right to hope right after you pull your humiliating prank a sewage truck accidentally spills two tons of raw sewage on you.